90210: Brenda’s Back… Now, Let’s Find the Rest of the Gang

SO. Rumor has it that Shannen Doherty is “in talks” to reprise her role as Brenda Walsh. Not quite sure about the “in talks” part. I mean, last I checked, she isn’t in any of this summer’s blockbusters. They say she is reading the script to see exactly what role she would be playing. If that’s all it takes, I have some ideas on how to bring the whole gang back together.

Brandon

After a short stint as a copy editor with the Washington Bureau of the New York Chronicle, he returned to his true love of politics. Running as a representative of Minnesota, it looked as if he’d win until… Chancellor Arnold leaked rumors of Brandon’s checkered past that includes a gambling addiction and a drunk driving accident. Brandon returns to the zip code to wait tables at the Peach Pit while he “gets his head straight.”

What to Look For: Lots of late night convos with Nat over coffee after the diner closes.

Brenda

Her run at British theater was an epic failure. Returning to the states, she did the New York thing, landing two minor roles: One in a Crest Whitening Strips commercial, the other as “White Girl on Scooter” in the straight to DVD release of House Party 4. Things seemed to be taking a turn for the better when she booked the role of “Mirtha” in the feature film Blow. But when the script called for her to be nude, Brenda got all Brenda and huffed out. Now it’s back to 90210 to run the drama department.

What to Look For: Brenda adapting Gil Myers’ unpublished novel, Blood Money, into West Beverly’s spring production.

Kelly

The retirement of Ms. Teasley left a gaping hole in the guidance department at West Beverly. Having overcome a shooting, a rape, a coke addiction, multiple burns in a fire at a rave in frat house, a lesbian experience, and amnesia, Kelly felt as though she would make the perfect replacement. In the pilot ep, trouble again arises when her little sister, Erin (now a high school junior), asks her to buy beer for a party she is throwing in Jackie’s house.

What To Look For: Kelly dropping the “don’t you know who I am?” bomb when bouncers at the Peach Pit After Hours reject her at the door in an effort to keep the joint young and hip.

Dylan

Having blown through the Jack McKay fortune on various heroin and booze binges, Dylan spent the last two years in a tent on a beach in Baja firing a pistol at empty beer cans and listening to REM’s Everybody Hurts on a continuous loop. In one last attempt to get sober, he heads back to 90210 where he too takes a job waiting tables at the Peach Pit.

What to Look For: Lots of seemingly innocent, but nonetheless awkward high-fives between him and Brandon while working the dinner rush.

Donna

After her father’s death, Tori Spelling lost all connection to the TV biz. She not only is rejected for a reprise role as Donna Martin, but she also receives an email from Darren Star saying that if it weren’t for her father, the role of Donna would have gone to Alicia Silverstone.

What to Look For: Tori Spelling in porn.

David

After a failed run in the music business, he opened Silver Party Platter, a deejaying gig for weddings and Bar Mitzvahs. But after complaints of the deejay “dancing too much” at the parties he was working, the business began to suffer. Now it’s time to put his go-for-broke plan into action: Find T-Boz from TLC and hand deliver his demo tape to her, which he says has a “crazy, sexy, cool, Waterfalls vibe” to it.

What to Look For: Silver mentoring the new West Beverly Radio on-air-talent.

Steve

His landmark video franchise Crazy College Co-Eds raked in millions. But when his father, Rush Sanders, passed away, Steve became overwrought with guilt. Knowing that his father would never approve of his financial endeavors, Steve is now about to pull a Warren Buffet, and donate all of his money to a good cause.

What to Look For: A handsome donation to the West Beverly Athletic Department… under one condition: They name the new football field “Steve Sanders Field House.”

Andrea

Andrea died after a long bout with Alzheimer’s. She was 104 years of age. She is survived by her daughter, Hannah, and her ex-husband, ambulance chaser Jesse Vasquez.

What to Look For: A best-of episode where the gang sits under the Hollywood sign sharing their fondest memories of her.

_________________________________________________________________________________

And that’s it. You take my backstories, throw Lori Loughlin and Lucille from Arrested Development into the mix, and I don’t see how you can lose. The only problem might be finding storylines for the students of the “next generation.”

One thought on “90210: Brenda’s Back… Now, Let’s Find the Rest of the Gang

  1. Tori has actually resorted to reality tv (financed by hocking all the Jimmy Choo’s her daddy bought and her children’s cereal box royalty checks and tips from her street corner karaoke). Plot: Donna Does Dean.

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