I love that Sopranos where Tony asks Dr. Melfi, “What happened to Gary Cooper? The strong, silent type. That was an American. He wasn’t in touch with his feelings. He just did what he had to do.” For real.
So I got to thinking; who are my Gary Coopers? Men so awesome, that no matter how tough you think you are, in comparison, make you feel like Buffalo Bill tucking your junk between your legs. I put together the list, and Gary Cooper isn’t on it. I’m starting off with 44-40. I’ll then be posting the subsequent entries in the order that they ranked. This way I won’t exceed the maximum amount of awesome that this server can handle.
44. Lance Armstrong
First off, having the word strong in your name is exactly that. The seven TDF’s don’t do a lot for me. The fact that he did it with one nut… kinda huge (not the actual nut, just that he did it with only one). Then he went out and tagged Sheryl Crow, one of the Michelles from Full House, and Kate Hudson. Again, with one nut. Kinda huge.
43. Johnny Knoxville
The rest of those Jackass guys are losers with nothing to lose. But Knoxville risks a pretty decent looking face to do the stuff he does. (I didn’t just call him good looking.)
42. Steven Segal
Slow down. Before you jump down my throat, I know, he’s a douchebag. And if this was a fashion contest he’d be disqualified. Plus he got fat, which makes me throw up just a little bit in my mouth. Having said all of that, you have to respect his aikido style (if you don’t , Segal will teach you to respect it). Plus, ask me if I think opening a real dojo is perhaps the coolest thing on earth. Aye Sensei. You know you’re dying to check out aikidojournal.com. Please finish the blog first.
41. John Basedow
His head is three times the size of his body? Why don’t you say it to his face? Because of the following two words: FITNESS GURU. Oh, you work out? Are you a fitness guru? Didn’t think so. John Basedow is. That’s why he’s number 41 on the list and you’re only reading it.
40. Henry Rollins
What do these three things have in common?
a) Black Flag
b) Appearing in the movie Heat
c) This Video
They all rule. So does Rollins.