Awesomest Men: #44-40

I love that Sopranos where Tony asks Dr. Melfi, “What happened to Gary Cooper? The strong, silent type. That was an American. He wasn’t in touch with his feelings. He just did what he had to do.” For real.

So I got to thinking; who are my Gary Coopers? Men so awesome, that no matter how tough you think you are, in comparison, make you feel like Buffalo Bill tucking your junk between your legs. I put together the list, and Gary Cooper isn’t on it. I’m starting off with 44-40. I’ll then be posting the subsequent entries in the order that they ranked. This way I won’t exceed the maximum amount of awesome that this server can handle.

44. Lance Armstrong

Lance ArmstrongFirst off, having the word strong in your name is exactly that. The seven TDF’s don’t do a lot for me. The fact that he did it with one nut… kinda huge (not the actual nut, just that he did it with only one). Then he went out and tagged Sheryl Crow, one of the Michelles from Full House, and Kate Hudson. Again, with one nut. Kinda huge.

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Knoxville

43. Johnny Knoxville

The rest of those Jackass guys are losers with nothing to lose. But Knoxville risks a pretty decent looking face to do the stuff he does. (I didn’t just call him good looking.)

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42. Steven Segal

Slow down. Before you jump down my throat, I know, he’s a douchebag. And if this was a fashion contest he’d be disqualified. Plus he got fat, which makes me throw up just a little bit in my mouth. Having said all of that, you have to respect his aikido style (if you don’t , Segal will teach you to respect it). Plus, ask me if I think opening a real dojo is perhaps the coolest thing on earth. Aye Sensei. You know you’re dying to check out aikidojournal.com. Please finish the blog first.

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41. John Basedow

His head is three times the size of his body? Why don’t you say it to his face? Because of the following two words: FITNESS GURU. Oh, you work out? Are you a fitness guru? Didn’t think so. John Basedow is. That’s why he’s number 41 on the list and you’re only reading it.

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40. Henry Rollins

What do these three things have in common?

a) Black Flag

b) Appearing in the movie Heat

c) This Video

They all rule. So does Rollins.

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3 thoughts on “Awesomest Men: #44-40

  1. you soooo didn’t put john basedow on this list. what is that horrible commercial about him being a fitness celebrity in a mall. “he’s so hot”?!? WTF? he’s from a few towns over from me and it turns out that most of the peole in his videos are family members. yes, he’s fit and he’s helped a lot of peole, but he’s a freak. he reminds me of the guy in billy madison who has the list of people to kill on his wall because you know he was a total loser in high school.

    where is mcconaughey on this list? being in dazed and confused and still being hot in those clothes should give him a spot on the list. not to mention the — i’ll smoke pot and play my bongos whenever i damn well please, i don’t give a shit attitude that is so cool. plus — bff with lance (your one-ball 44). plus is brother’s name is rooster. and he’s also brought in some of the most beautiful women in holywood and remains friends with them post-breakup. he’s my #1 shirtless awesome man.

  2. John Basedow is freaky, but Jack Pallance would so kick his ass in a push up challange… even if he has been dead for like ten years.

    If yo put Segal on your list you have to put Cynthia Rothrock on their, sure she looks like a chick but she’s all man baby.

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