Awesomest Men: #19-15

19. Bruce Lee

I already told you how cised I get for guys that open their own dojos. Bruce Lee founded his own martial arts philosophy. And I quote the good book:

“Remember that Jeet Kune Do is merely a name used, a mirror in which to see “ourselves”. . . Jeet Kune Do is not an organized institution that one can be a member of. Either you understand or you don’t, and that is that.”

That’s deeper than the Force. If I could be a member of the Jeet Kune Do, I would. But one can’t. Besides being completely shredded and the sickest kung-fu artist ever, Lee could spring a 235 pound man several feet with a 1 inch punch (seriously), perform one-hand push-ups using only the thumb and index finger, and throw a grain of rice in the air and catch it with a pair of chopsticks. Then again, Daniel-Sahn kinda one-upped him by catching a fly with the chopsticks, so take the grain of rice with a grain of salt.

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18. Greg Valentino

If I could have any nickname in the world, here are my top three:

3) The Shlonginator

2) Richie Rich

1) The Man With the Biggest Arms in the World.

Unfortunately, my favorite nickname already belongs to Greg Valentino and his awesome guns. Greg Valentino knows the potential of the human body. That with the right amount of discipline, we can all achieve a Roman sculpture-like physique. Funny though that he’s straight up disrespected in the bodybuilding world. If I were trying to get huge, I’d hate on Greg Valentino too. Look who accomplished my goals before me. Greg Valentino.

Their chief complaint is that he juiced. Look, I don’t know anything about that. I mean, he looks okay to me. But if juicing gets you arms like that, so perfectly chiseled and well-defined… shit, stick me in the biceps right now. Cause if being awesome is wrong, me and Greg don’t want to be right.

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17. Kimbo Slice

I Googled “Kimbo Slice Loses” and it came back asking “Did you mean “Kimbo Slice is Ridiculously Awesome?” And I was like, “yes, that’s exactly what I meant.” Kimbo’s business is leaving guys with bloody eye sockets like Joe Victim in the vid. Back before his debut in MMA, Kimbo walked through the gate of a backyard. A dozen or so of the shadiest guys you had ever seen all had cash neatly arranged on the patio. Joe Victim stepped, and then got beat down. Lastly, Kimbo collected his duckets. And that, my friends, is how Kimbo rolls.

Check out :26 in the video where Kimbo gives Bloody Eye Socket Man three free punches.

Then check out the very last frame of the video where Bloody Eye Socket Man becomes Bloody Eye Socket Man.

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16. Steve Irwin

Awwwww Crikey! Steve Irwin was a naturalist, an animal lover and an environmentalist. Steve Irwin was also a bona fide lunatic. The way he called animals “gorgeous” was downright creepy. Be that as it may, when Steve Irwin slipped into those little khaki shorts, no man or beast could handle the Croc Hunter. Just ask that busta, Argo. And a man that can take a croc down, then stand above it and say, “you just got served, mate,” is monster himself.

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15. Tiny Lister

He’s not really tiny, silly. What he is though, is a man who suffers from possibly the worst lazy, cockeyed, Shaq eye I have ever seen. However, since he’s 7’13” and tough as a piece of burnt steak, the only one who has ever mentioned it to him is the mirror. I know 14 is high on the list, but in reviewing his service to this country through various entertainment outlets, I feel justified in a ranking this high. His role as Zeus in the epic “No Holds Barred” opposite Hulk Hogan is nothing short of mesmerizing. In the Fifth Element, he played the president of the United States which I found a little less believable, but made me excited about the future of this great nation should it head down a similar path where a man like Tiny one day stands at the helm. And then, of course, there’s “Friday,” where he played Debo. Something tells me he didn’t need to do a lot of research for the role. But his line, “stop bein’ a bitch and c’mon,” will go down in history next to “Rosebud.”

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