Logging onto Netflix today was a dose of sexual ambiguity for me.
Upon login, Netflix creates categories of movies they think you’ll like, based on your previous rentals. Sometimes they make perfect sense: the third category down my recommended list is: “Gritty Movies Based on Real Life.” They compiled a list of movies including Cinderella Man, My Left Foot, and Glory, based on my interest in Goodfellas, Tombstone and Escape From Alcatraz.
Other times, they make no sense: my second category is “Underdog Stories.” “Based on your interest in Home Alone and Rocky, you might like Snow Dogs.” Being that I would rather check the lights in a Christian Bale scene than watch a Cuba Gooding Jr. movie , I figured they were off.
But upon login this evening, the number one category on my Netflix recommendations was “Movies Starring Matt Damon.”
Ew. How gay, I thought to myself. Why would they have a – and then I saw it: based on your previous rentals of Bourne Identity, Talented Mr. Ripley, and the Rain Maker, you may like…
Yeah, so, maybe those were the last three films I watched. That doesn’t mean I’d be interested in, oh, let’s see, what are they recommending for me… Saving Private Ryan. I click on it. “This movie is already in your Queue.”
Coincidence. I mean, I like war movies. Don’t believe me? Ask my wife. We just watched Courage Under Fire. I didn’t particularly buy Meg Ryan in it, but Matt Damon was… coincidence.
Netflix is also recommending Ocean’s Eleven. Well, I already saw it on cable. I typically wouldn’t watch a movie like that but I thought I would give it a chance because Matt Damon was – shit.
My next thought was, rearrange the queue. Let’s put some distance between my last and next Matt Damon film. So I throw Saving Ryan’s Privates to the… oh geez. I throw Saving Private Ryan to the bottom and move up, let’s see, Rounders, no. School Ties? Wait, how did a Brandon Fraser movie make it on my… oh, little Charlie Dillon. My queue has Good Will Hunting, the Rain Maker (wait, didn’t I just watch that?), Will and Grace (one episode, A Chorus Line), Ocean’s 12-16, the Departed and the Good Shepherd.
So, do I need to come to grips with the fact the last four movies I’ve watched starred Matt Damon? That all fourteen movies in my queue list are Matt Damon movies? That I saved an Entertainment Weekly from 2004 with him on the cover? That I photoshopped my head over Ben Affleck’s in his Oscar pic with Matt? That I just called him “Matt?”
I love Matt Damon as much as the next guy… that doesn’t make me gay.