Mustaches aren’t like hair styles where there’s this unlimited number of them to choose from. There’s only like five of them out there. When Hitler went out and murdered 8 million people, he kinda reduced the options by like 20 percent. It was pretty cool when it was called the “abbreviated-stache.” Not so cool when it suddenly became “The Hitler.”
For men of my generation, you don’t miss what you’ve never had. But for those who were wearing it duringWWII? The following is a brief conversation between one of those men and his peers.
One of his Boys: Dude, you gotta either grow it into a goatee or a full mustache, or you gotta shave it off all together.
Charlie Chaplin: Man, I’ve been rocking the abbreviated-stache since the 20’s, son.
One of his Boys, Doesn’t matter. You need to lose it.
Another One of his Boys: What about the fu manchu?
One of his Boys: Donnie, shut the fuck up. Charlie, people are heil-ing you behind your back. Believe me, you don’t need the aggravation.
Charlie Chaplin: But the Tramp…
One of his Boys: Trust us. Just lose it.