Damon, Wish I was Your Lover

Logging onto Netflix today was a dose of sexual ambiguity for me.

Upon login, Netflix creates categories of movies they think you’ll like, based on your previous rentals. Sometimes they make perfect sense: the third category down my recommended list is: “Gritty Movies Based on Real Life.”  They compiled a list of movies including Cinderella Man, My Left Foot, and Glory, based on my interest in Goodfellas, Tombstone and Escape From Alcatraz.

Other times, they make no sense: my second category is “Underdog Stories.” “Based on your interest in Home Alone and Rocky, you might like Snow Dogs.” Being that I would rather check the lights in a Christian Bale scene than watch a Cuba Gooding Jr. movie , I figured they were off.

Scoot Over...

Scoot Over

But upon login this evening, the number one category on my Netflix recommendations was “Movies Starring Matt Damon.”

Ew. How gay, I thought to myself. Why would they have a – and then I saw it: based on your previous rentals of Bourne Identity, Talented Mr. Ripley, and the Rain Maker, you may like…

Yeah, so, maybe those were the last three films I watched. That doesn’t mean I’d be interested in, oh, let’s see, what are they recommending for me… Saving Private Ryan. I click on it. “This movie is already in your Queue.”

Coincidence. I mean, I like war movies. Don’t believe me? Ask my wife. We just watched Courage Under Fire. I didn’t particularly buy Meg Ryan in it, but Matt Damon was… coincidence.

Netflix is also recommending Ocean’s Eleven. Well, I already saw it on cable. I typically wouldn’t watch a movie like that but I thought I would give it a chance because Matt Damon was – shit.

Those Dumbbells are Having All the Fun
Those Dumbbells are Having All the Fun

My next thought was, rearrange the queue. Let’s put some distance between my last and next Matt Damon film. So I throw Saving Ryan’s Privates to the… oh geez. I throw Saving Private Ryan to the bottom and move up, let’s see, Rounders, no. School Ties? Wait, how did a Brandon Fraser movie make it on my… oh, little Charlie Dillon. My queue has Good Will Hunting, the Rain Maker (wait, didn’t I just watch that?), Will and Grace (one episode, A Chorus Line), Ocean’s 12-16, the Departed and the Good Shepherd.

So, do I need to come to grips with the fact the last four movies I’ve watched starred Matt Damon? That all fourteen movies in my queue list are Matt Damon movies? That I saved an Entertainment Weekly from 2004 with him on the cover? That I photoshopped my head over Ben Affleck’s in his Oscar pic with Matt? That I just called him “Matt?”

I love Matt Damon as much as the next guy… that doesn’t make me gay.